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Post by Lady Rae on Jan 21, 2006 11:56:12 GMT
First dirty joke ever told to me by my mother...."This boy was walking along a path and fell into a mudhole..." Guess you had to be there
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Post by Master Sam on Jan 21, 2006 13:31:18 GMT
That reminds me of a story our teacher told us
Then then started banging her head against the desk since she was laughing so much ;D
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Post by Princess Stomper on Jan 21, 2006 13:43:12 GMT
Lost with Translation The American Dairy Association was so successful with its "Got Milk?" campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was "Are you lactating?" Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
Colgate introduced a toothpaste called "Cue" in France, but it turned out to be the same name as a well-known porno magazine.
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."
Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."
Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with the name "Pavian" to suggest French chic...but "pavian" means "baboon" in German.
A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.
When Kentucky Fried Chicken entered the Chinese market, to their horror they discovered that their slogan "finger lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off"
When Vicks first introduce its cough drops on the German market, they were chagrined to learn that the German pronunciation of "v" is f - which in German is the guttural equivalent of "sexual penetration."
Parker Pens translated the slogan for its ink, "Avoid Embarrassment - Use Quink" into Spanish as "Evite Embarazos - Use Quink"...which also means, "Avoid Pregnancy - Use Quink."
When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave."
In Italy, a campaign for "Schweppes Tonic Water" translated the name into the much less thirst quenching "Schweppes Toilet Water."
Chinese translation proved difficult for Coke, which took two tries to get it right. They first tried Ke-kou-ke-la because when pronounced it sounded roughly like Coca-Cola. It wasn't until after thousands of signs had been printed that they discovered that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax," depending on the dialect. Second time around things worked out much better. After researching 40,000 Chinese characters, Coke came up with "ko-kou-ko-le" which translates roughly to the much more appropriate "happiness in the mouth."
Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that "Puff" in German is a colloquial term for a sleeperhouse. The English weren't too fond of the name either, as it's a highly derogatory term for a non-heterosexual.
The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No va" means "it doesn't go" in Spanish.
Ford introduced the Pinto in Brazil. After watching sales go nowhere, the company learned that "Pinto" is Brazilian slang for "tiny male genitals." Ford pried the nameplates off all of the cars and substituted them with "Corcel" which means horse.
When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside since most people can't read.
In the French part of Canada, Hunt-Wesson introduced its "Big John" products as "Gros Jos." It later found out that the phrase is slang for "big breasts."
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TPO
Adept
Posts: 81
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Post by TPO on Jan 21, 2006 15:15:52 GMT
Good ones, Princess! Here's another- A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at the horse and says "Hey- why the long face?" ;D -TPO
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Post by Princess Stomper on Jan 21, 2006 23:50:01 GMT
A man walks into a bar with an alligator tucked under his arm.
"Do you serve lawyers in here?" "Why yes, siree, we do!" "Great. I'll have a Budweiser, and a lawyer for my 'gator."
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Post by Lady Rae on Jan 22, 2006 1:49:29 GMT
A man walked into a bar....
OUCH!
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Slayer
Ordinator
Which way did he go, George?
Posts: 448
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Post by Slayer on Jan 22, 2006 17:00:30 GMT
Pregnancy, Estrogen and Women Pregnancy Q & A & more! Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college. "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-". 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space". 8 You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus. 9 You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.. TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. OTHER WOMEN -Slayer
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Post by Lady Rae on Jan 22, 2006 23:44:21 GMT
Nope - number one is wrong It should be the only thing understood by women... Men.
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Post by VagabondAngel on Jan 23, 2006 9:19:32 GMT
Great stuff PS and Slayer, my friends - that cheered up my morning. Another one for the mis-translation thing. Toyota made a 2 seater sports car launched in the UK as the MR2. The name had to be changed in France since no-one wanted a crap car.
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Post by Princess Stomper on Jan 25, 2006 22:08:31 GMT
That's like the one about (Vauxhall) Nova meaning 'doesn't go' in Spanish!
Two blondes were driving down the road. The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
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Slayer
Ordinator
Which way did he go, George?
Posts: 448
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Post by Slayer on Jan 26, 2006 2:50:29 GMT
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila. Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila. Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister. -Slayer
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Post by Gayla on Jan 26, 2006 8:12:17 GMT
Very funny! I still have a fond memory of taking my first 3 tequila slammers in a row! Boy, I never knew barstools could be this high! ;D
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Post by Princess Stomper on Jan 26, 2006 20:18:09 GMT
A colleague told me sagely before that you only ever have ONE tequila hangover - if you are ever fortunate enough to consume a quantity sufficient to give you the hangover, you will never, ever want to try the stuff again. I smugly told her that I had never had more than a couple of shots in an evening, so was still inordinately fond of the stuff! One for Kat: This guy goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor shows him an inkblot and asks him what it looks like. "A naked woman." He shows him another inkblot and asks him the same question. "A naked woman on a bed." "You're a sick pervert!" the psychiatrist exclaims. "I'm not the pervert. You keep showing me all these filthy pictures!"
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TPO
Adept
Posts: 81
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Post by TPO on Jan 27, 2006 3:12:57 GMT
I apologize in advance if someone is offended, but it comes with the job IMO ;D [Lawyer Jokes Ahead] A trucker is driving down the highway when he notices the pope walking along on the shoulder. The trucker pulls over and says "Hello there father, you wanna ride?" The pope accepts and pretty soon they see a lawyer walking along the side of the road. The trucker thinks to himself "well, I'll fix that bugger" and he swerves, aiming the speeding truck at the lawyer. All of a sudden, the trucker remembers that he has the pope in the car, and thinks "Oh my God, what am I doing? I've got the Pope with me!" so he swerves away. While swerving, he hears a strange bang. Apologetic, he turns to the Pope and says "Father, I am so sorry. I almost hit that lawyer back there. Forgive me." The Pope laugh and replies "Thats OK, I got him with the door!" Another one: Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? A: Just two- all the rest are true stories! I've got a bunch more, but I would prefer to re-read the forum rules before posting any ;D -TPO
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Post by VagabondAngel on Jan 27, 2006 9:34:23 GMT
Don't bother reading the rules TPO - they made me laugh and I'm not a big fan of the legal trade either. ;D More....
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