There once was a Red Indian whose given
name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and
said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody called
him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said,
"Good morning, Onestone."
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest
where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the
next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he
would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until
a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many
years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she
saw Onestone . She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone"
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made
love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the
next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
What is the moral of this story?
?............
OH, come on..take a guess!
Think about it.
(You're going to love this!)
And the moral is:
....You can't kill two birds with one stone.
NAVAJO MESSAGE TO THE MOONWhen NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts
to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder
and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The
elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question.
His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big
suits doing?"
One of the astronauts said that they were practicing a trip to the moon.
When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and
asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to
deliver to the moon.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official
accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling
to get a tape recorder.
The Navajo elder's comments in to the microphone were brief. The NASA
official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said.
The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he
refused to translate.
So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played
it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but
also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.
An official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped
laughing the translator relayed the message:
"Watch out for these assholes, they have come to steal your land."
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD Player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed.
"Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus."