Slayer
Ordinator
Which way did he go, George?
Posts: 448
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Post by Slayer on Jan 29, 2006 16:27:04 GMT
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Post by VagabondAngel on Jan 29, 2006 17:51:17 GMT
Thought you'd like that one mate. ;D Maybe the ladies here won't quite so much...
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Post by Lady Rae on Jan 29, 2006 18:03:59 GMT
Can't speak for all the ladies - but this one liked it
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Slayer
Ordinator
Which way did he go, George?
Posts: 448
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Post by Slayer on Jan 30, 2006 13:52:40 GMT
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, " Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription." -Slayer
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Post by VagabondAngel on Jan 30, 2006 14:38:54 GMT
Yeah - I like that one, mate.
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Post by Sterling on Jan 30, 2006 18:00:06 GMT
LOL! Good one Slayer!(thumbsup) ;D
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Slayer
Ordinator
Which way did he go, George?
Posts: 448
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Post by Slayer on Jan 31, 2006 1:06:45 GMT
Here's another Redneck type: Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, " Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's not that bright!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor answers. The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about Bubba. I really like the name Denise." Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew". A little old lady goes to a physician, saying, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and I sneak them out silently. As a matter of fact, I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You wouldn't know I was passing gas because I do it with no noise and they don't have any aroma." The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week". When she returns she says, "Doctor, I don't know what you gave me but it’s awful. I still break wind without any noise but the stink could kill you." The doctor says, "Excellent. Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing". -Slayer
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Post by swrdphantom on Jan 31, 2006 1:35:30 GMT
Let me see if I can get this one to work right-
Two older men are sitting in a small town restaurant on a cold and blowing winter morning. A man walks in and leaves the door open behind him, letting the cold wind blow in. One of the older men says, "Hey, shut the door! Where you born in a barn?" The man who came in goes back and shuts the door, then sets down at a table and starts crying. The older man sees this, and feels bad about yelling at him. He goes over to the younger man and pats him on the shoulder saying, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I'm just a blowhard and you were letting in a lot of cold air." The younger man looks up at him and says, "It's not that, I was born in a barn, and everytime I hear a jack@$$ bray I get homesick."
This is a joke that I've heard told locally, the way that the joke goes is that the person telling the joke is one of the men at the restaurant, while the blowhard is a friend of his that he likes to make fun of. ;D
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Post by Gayla on Jan 31, 2006 12:54:23 GMT
Dangerous grounds here. I hope I'm not insulting anybodies political sensibilities, but here goes:
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up: fireman, mechanic, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. But little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet. When the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied:
"My father's, well... like a dancer in, uhh... he calls it a cabaret. He says it's very gay -- he takes off all his clothes in front of the men there and they put money in his underwear. Then sometimes, he meets somebody really nice, and he goes home with him. And they do some things together, and he comes home with lots of money."
The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then, took Justin aside. Bracing herself for an answer she hoped wouldn't come, she asked him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," the boy said. "Actually, he works for the Republican National Committee and helped re-elect George Bush, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
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Post by VagabondAngel on Jan 31, 2006 14:23:20 GMT
Loved the denise and denephew one, mate... emoticons not here at the mo, or I'd use one... hehe I laughed alot at yours Gayla.. not sure if I'm supposed to, not being from the US but it was funny anyway. swrd - no offence to you, matey but I've heard that one in several versions over the years. Made me laugh the first time.
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Post by VagabondAngel on Jan 31, 2006 16:38:10 GMT
Ok it has to be done. This was the only joke I would tell for years: Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other "How the hell do you drive this thing?" My apologies.
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Post by Lady Rae on Jan 31, 2006 19:44:38 GMT
Gayla - I live in the US, I voted for George Bush and I still laughed
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Post by VagabondAngel on Feb 1, 2006 13:45:18 GMT
Well I thought it was good anyway.
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Post by Sterling on Feb 1, 2006 16:30:50 GMT
An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"
American (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.
The American listens in silence.
The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
American: "Of Course."
Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).
"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states."
After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"
Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.
American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."
American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum and sell them to France."
;D
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Post by Gayla on Feb 1, 2006 16:32:44 GMT
Well I thought it was good anyway. Are you the only one then?? ;D
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