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Post by Princess Stomper on Mar 4, 2006 1:31:54 GMT
Don't just post an emoticon - post a joke, dammit!
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Post by Master Sam on Mar 4, 2006 2:49:34 GMT
A red head, a brunet and a blonde were all climbing mount everest in a group. One night they were climbing there rope. A huge blizzard started, and the rope started to thin. One of them would have to let go. After a painful 10 mins, the brunet said she would gladly sacrifice herself and let the others climb to the top.
The Blonde applauded
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TPO
Adept
Posts: 81
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Post by TPO on Mar 5, 2006 1:16:07 GMT
Haha OK, I've got one: A man opens up Beethoven's tomb. Unexpectedly, Beethoven's corpse sits up and begins to frantically erase what is on a piece of paper clutched in his hand. The man screams; after calming down, he asks the corpse what he is doing. Beethoven replies: "I'm decomposing!" -TPO ;D
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Post by Wildman on Mar 5, 2006 5:50:47 GMT
Don't just post an emoticon - post a joke, dammit! What's blue and fluffy? . .. ... CLICK FOR ANSWER
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Slayer
Ordinator
Which way did he go, George?
Posts: 448
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Post by Slayer on Mar 7, 2006 18:16:09 GMT
Giving Up For Lent On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent." In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?" -Slayer
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Post by Princess Stomper on Mar 13, 2006 22:33:26 GMT
That's funny! Okay, I'm cheating with this one because it's a Berlitz language school advert, but it made me laugh until stuff came out of my nose: A German coastguard is being shown the ropes, and his German boss leaves the room, leaving him alone with the radio. "Mayday! Mayday!" comes an English voice over the radio. The German looks in bewilderment at the radio. "Mayday! Can you hear us?" The man uncertainly reaches towards the radio and presses the button to speak. "He-llo? Dis iz ze Ger-man coast-guard." "Hello, Mayday! We are sinking! We... are... sinking...!" The German coastguard pauses as he struggles to remember enough English to compose his response... . . . . . . . . . "Vot are you sinking about?"
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Slayer
Ordinator
Which way did he go, George?
Posts: 448
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Post by Slayer on Mar 16, 2006 5:50:45 GMT
This man looses his arm and he's so distraught he climbs onto the ledge of a 49 story building. Before he can jump, he see's another man with no arms on the street below dancing and jumping around. He thinks, " If he's so happy with no arms, I should be happy with one." So he goes to the armless man and tells him, "you saved my life!" and the armless man says, "great, now scratch I disagree!!!!!!!!!!!!" -Slayer
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Slayer
Ordinator
Which way did he go, George?
Posts: 448
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Post by Slayer on Mar 29, 2006 5:54:11 GMT
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrives and bets twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope y'all don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she strips from the neck down, rolls the dice and yells, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes! As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals, "I WON, I WON!" She hugs each of the dealers and then picks up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." Moral: Not all people from Alabama are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men. -Slayer
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Post by Lady Rae on Mar 29, 2006 6:19:43 GMT
ROFL
Excellent
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Post by inwah on Mar 29, 2006 10:11:18 GMT
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrives and bets twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope y'all don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she strips from the neck down, rolls the dice and yells, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes! As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals, "I WON, I WON!" She hugs each of the dealers and then picks up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." Moral: Not all people from Alabama are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men. -Slayer HAHAHAH!!!! Loved that one.
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Post by Princess Stomper on Apr 2, 2006 9:37:08 GMT
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrives and bets twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope y'all don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she strips from the neck down, rolls the dice and yells, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes! As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals, "I WON, I WON!" She hugs each of the dealers and then picks up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." Moral: Not all people from Alabama are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men. -Slayer That's great! I'm going to tell that one a lot!
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Post by Yacoby on Apr 4, 2006 21:54:26 GMT
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrives and bets twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope y'all don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she strips from the neck down, rolls the dice and yells, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes! As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals, "I WON, I WON!" She hugs each of the dealers and then picks up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." Moral: Not all people from Alabama are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men. -Slayer Best one I have heard in a long time
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Post by Wildman on Apr 9, 2006 16:34:18 GMT
What does Geronimo say when jumping out of an airplane?
.
..
...
MEEEEEEEEE!
;D
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Slayer
Ordinator
Which way did he go, George?
Posts: 448
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Post by Slayer on Apr 9, 2006 20:16:17 GMT
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said, 'Give me liberty or give me death' ? " She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775" "Very good!" praised the teacher. "Now who said 'Government of the people, by the people for the people, shall not perish from this earth' ? " Again, no response, except from Pedro, "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper, "Screw the Mexicans!" "Who said that?" She demanded. Pedro put his hand up, "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right, now who said that?" Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh, yeah? Suck this!" Pedro jumped out of his chair, waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997." Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, "You little shite, if you say anything else, I'll kill you!" Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." The teacher fainted and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shite, we're in BIG trouble now!" Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003." Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro. Someone else shouted, "Duck!" The teacher asked, "Who said that?" Pedro said, "thingy Cheney, 2006 -Slayer
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Post by Gayla on Apr 10, 2006 20:08:50 GMT
Blame it on the tests you need to take for naturalization! Brilliant!
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